Hate sounds like a harsh word at first, and misogyny even more so. For many, it sounds like a fringe phenomenon, an extreme view that only a few people hold. Hating women is neither socially recognised, nor is it considered something that relates to each of us personally. But even if we don't want to admit it: We hate women.
We hate women because we inflict physical and/or sexualised violence¹ on at least one in three of them. Because we murder one of them every third day in Germany and nobody cares. We hate women by blaming them for the violence they experience. The skirt was too short, she had been too drunk, she could have said no. We hate women because we don't believe them and most rapists do not have to reckon with consequences. We hate women because we don't think it's necessary to ensure their safety. We don't care that they cannot feel safe at night. We hate disabled women by inflicting much more (sexual) violence on them than on those without disabilities. We take advantage of the fact that many disabled women are dependent on care and nursing and think they are not sane. We hate Black and migrant women because we believe them even less than white women from Germany. white Frauen aus Deutschland.
We hate women by not taking them seriously. We label them as emotional or hysterical, don't think much of them, don't ascribe any competence to them and only respect their opinion when a man also represents it.
We hate women because their work at home is not worth paying for. We don't even recognise this work as work. We isolate women at home so that we make it all the more difficult for them to fight against these conditions. We hate migrant women because we exploit them in care jobs even more than their white, German colleagues. We hate women by not considering it necessary to pay equal pay for equal work.
We hate women because they are just objects for the male gaze². Objects that clean for us, objects that we can use for sex. We control their bodies and use them as birth machines. We determine how we want their bodies to look and think degrading them is fun. For us, they have to fulfil certain ideals of beauty, otherwise we punish them socially. We hate Asia*tische³ women by exoticising them, dehumanising them and portraying them as hypersexual.
We hate lesbian women by finding their sexuality "hot" at best, not taking it seriously, not recognising lesbian sex as such and portraying their intimacy and sexuality in the media for the male gaze. We do not recognise feminine lesbians as lesbians, while we perceive masculine lesbians as unfeminine and threatening. We hate bisexual women by denying their existence and claiming that they are straight and that being bi is just for attention. We hate women in heterosexual relations by exploiting them economically, emotionally and sexually in the relationship and selling it to them as love. And by perpetuating their financial dependency institutionally through marriage and culturally through the images we convey to them.
We hate trans women by telling them who they supposedly are or have to be and portraying them in debates as dangerous and sick men who want access to women's toilets. Instead of attacking men who actually want access to women's toilets for misogynistic reasons, we are fuelling an irrational fear of those who are among the most affected by violence in toilets and changing rooms.
We don't just hate women. We hate femininity. We hate the femininity we ascribe to gay and gender non-conforming⁴ men. We hate femininity by finding it ridiculous. We find watching a make-up video on YouTube more ridiculous than going to a football stadium, bratwurst, beer and fast cars. We find high-pitched voices annoying and emotionality weak and unnecessary.
Misogyny is inherent in every person. It is part of our culture and it pervades every area of our lives. Nevertheless, in patriarchy, this overall social we that we are talking about here is mostly a male we that we are talking about here is mostly a male we. And even if women and queers also carry parts of this misogyny within them, it is the cisgender heterosexual men for whom this hatred is an integral part of their identity: in order to be masculine, men must reject and devalue femininity. They are the ones who turn this hatred into action. They are the ones who catcall, who rape and who kill their (ex-)partners. We need to name, denounce, attack and unlearn misogyny. And we need to talk about how (cis-hetero) masculinities harbour this hatred and this enormous potential for violence. Even if you are firmly convinced that you are not a misogynist.
ℹ️Explanation of terms:
¹ sexualized violence – See introduction in July 2022
² male gaze – the male-heterosexual view of female bodies that characterises the public representation and social images of women and also female sexuality as something that happens or is represented 'for men'.
³ asia*tisch – self-designated German term: ‘The new spelling of the term with * is intended to break down stigmatisation, be more inclusive and initiate a disruption in thinking. To be Asian*tisch is to see and be part of the diversity of East, West, South, Southeast and West Asian countries. It should also include people who have grown up in the diaspora and/or have Asian*tisch roots." You can finde out more here (German post).
⁴ gender-nonkonformen – Gender non-conformity here refers to breaking with social expectations of gender, for example through clothing, make-up, etc. Gender non-conformity can also refer to a gender identity that breaks with binary, assigned gender.
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