Before we publish texts on the subject of masculinity and perpetration in about two months' time, we want to try inserting a text that deals with a current topic.
The past few weeks, RTL graced us with the latest season of The Bachelorette, that glitzy cesspool of reality TV. The concept? Simple: one Bachelorette (this time Stella) plays queen bee, with a swarm of suitors buzzing around, hoping for a rose. The twist? For the first time, the Bachelorette was bisexual, meaning both men and women got to embarrass themselves in equal measure. Each week, Stella thinned the herd, sending contestants packing until she reached the final two.
Let’s get one thing straight: the show’s issues go way beyond its tired, predictable format. The list of offenses reads like a bingo card of trash TV tropes: reductive, borderline offensive portrayals of bisexuality? Check. Erasure of genderqueer identities? Yep. Hypersexualized shots of women? Absolutely. Exotic colonial vibes from the “stunning” filming location? You bet. And don’t even get me started on the manipulative edits, the shameless consumerism, or the relentless, in-your-face product placements. It's a glittery dumpster fire.
But let’s zero in on the men, shall we? This season’s genius casting decision to mix real queer women with straight men put the spotlight on something most of us in FLINTA* communities already know: straight men in competitive spaces are not just absurd—they’re dangerous. If you thought this was going to be some fair and balanced critique, let me stop you right here. What follows is a snarky, rage-fueled takedown of two dudes who perfectly represent the exhausting, infuriating masculinities I’ve encountered far too often IRL.
Let’s meet the clowns: Martin and Ferry, who somehow stumbled their way into the final four before Stella finally sent them packing. Martin is your classic macho gym bro caricature—broad shoulders, a sunburn that makes him look like undercooked meat, and a personality as deep as a puddle. His favorite hobby? Telling anyone who’ll listen about his 6 a.m. workouts. Ferry, on the other hand, is an aspiring rapper with a tragic backstory. He started the season “chilling” with the women until they realized they couldn’t stand him, at which point he latched onto Martin like a lost puppy, desperate to impress him. Together, these two bros managed to embody every red flag in the book.
Martin, the self-appointed alpha made it to the semifinals but quickly became notorious among reaction YouTubers for his macho behavior. He orchestrated a confrontation, rallying four dudes and one woman to publicly humiliate another contestant for the crime of *checks notes* crying. Then, in a move so predictable it’s practically a rom-com trope, he ignored Stella’s clear “no” and physically forced intimacy in a pool as a pathetic attempt to mark his territory in front of the others, as if Stella was some kind of prize he needed to win. The feminist alarm bells were deafening.
And then there’s Ferry, who somehow managed to skate by on his remorseful tragic boy schtick. Honestly, I’ll never understand the sympathy he got from Stella or the audience. Like Martin, Ferry had zero tolerance for even a whiff of losing control. But instead of playing the macho card, he’d pout, lash out, or lean on his angsty rapper vibes.
He wasn’t above threatening violence, though he always hid behind irony or “art”. Case in point: in the finale, he casually sang about smashing Stella’s glasses. Adorable, right? He also conspired with Martin to gang up on a woman, possibly overwhelmed by jealousy of her ability to express emotions, then got applause for “apologizing”for calling her a “whore.” Honestly, the bar is subterranean at this point. But here’s the kicker: it worked. Ferry’s authentic remorse for the completely wrong things, his crocodile tears and “vulnerable bad boy” act made him not only Stella’s fleeting favorite but also a hit with viewers. Never mind that his best-buddy bromance with Martin should’ve been a glaring red flag. Pro tip: you can tell a lot about a guy by the friends he keeps. And yet, people lapped it up like thirsty dogs.
Let’s not forget Ferry’s podcast, where he casually explains his hole deal being a “true fucking sexist” that no one will call out because he “knows how not to sound like one.”
Now, I don’t know how much of the show was real and how much was courtesy of RTL’s editors, nor do I care. What I do care about is this: both Martin and Ferry put on masterclasses in abusive, violent behavior, and their misogyny was on full display for anyone willing to see it. Let’s not pretend these issues were limited to these two, either. Every male contestant reeked of entitlement and misogynie, even if they didn’t have enough (screen) time to show their full hand like Martin or Ferry. At least in this show we don’t need to discuss for long to make clear: yes, all men.