So many people have experienced sexualized violence that we should be considerate of this in any conversation. Insensitive handling can bring up traumatic memories or trigger panic attacks, flashbacks, dissociations, self-harming behavior or suicidal crises in the context of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Falls eine betroffene Person dir von ihren Erfahrungen mit sexualisierter Gewalt erzählt, haben wir hier ein paar Dos and Don’ts aufgelistet. Diese sollen dir helfen, gut mit so einer Situation umzugehen.
Dos:
- I'm sorry you had to experience this.
- Ich glaube dir! Und ich stehe voll hinter dir! Das ist nicht deine Schuld!
- How are you feeling about it now? Do you want to talk about it?
- Thank you for telling me. It's safe with me, I won't tell anyone of course.
- How can I best be there for you now? Do you need a hug?
- Would you like me to go with you to a counseling center, psychological help center, doctor or the police?
- Soll ich für dich reden/telefonieren? Soll ich mit dir den*die Täter*in konfrontieren, wenn du das möchtest?
- It's not okay that you had to experience this.
It's okay to not always know how to help a person in a situation like this. Make sure they know that you believe them, that they are safe with you, and that you are there for them. Be responsive to their needs and ask for what they need.
Don’ts:
- Are you sure you said "no?"
- Had you been drinking or sending the wrong signals?
- Fortunately, nothing else happened. It wasn't that bad.
- I can't imagine that this person would do that.
- You can't put up with that, can you? Why didn't you fight back?
- You know, I have also experienced something like that/ even worse... (focus on your own experiences).
Refrain from personal assessments that dismiss the incident and do not take it seriously.
In addition, no prompts, no accusations, and no follow-up questions that signal the person involved did something wrong.
Please also refrain from making unasked-for legal assessments and from pressuring the person to do something they do not want to do. Going to the police is a draining process and can be retraumatizing. Also, not all people are safe with the police - especially BIPoC.