The other day a friend asked me why I was so "feminist". It was right on the tip of my tongue: out of conviction! I want to make this world a better place and justice is firmly anchored in my values. That includes being feminist.
This intention feels good. It feels right. Because a real feminist does it out of conviction, it's a matter of attitude!
Why I really reflect on my behaviour, represent feminist positions and act according to them is difficult for me to answer honestly. Do I have to admit to myself that it's not always about justice and attitude?
Feminists demanding at least some positioning of cis¹ men in friend groups, school or university was the main reason why I got in touch with feminism in the first place. And the fact that FLINTA*² put in the work every day to continue to do so in political spaces or close relationships ensures that I continue to pursue it.
It is precisely here that I can receive recognition and appreciation. Being sensitive and theoretically knowledgeable gives me the status of being "one of the good guys". Of course that feels good. To act feminist in order to be praised primarily ensures superficial confrontation, which is above all meant to be visible. And in the end, FLINTA* are again doing the main work in the background.
But dealing with sexism and masculinity also causes me to feel uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame. So I guess I also seek refuge in an identity without perpetration or guilt. I no longer want to be part of the problem, I sometimes want to be better than "the others", than "the sexists". That can quickly lead to me putting myself above others or competing with them. And then we end up with old masculinity dynamics instead of feminist practice.
At the same time, I have realised that the gender system is also harming me, for example by making me suffer from masculinity demands. Somehow it is then clear that I want to change this in order to live the way I want to. This becomes dangerous exactly when I put my violation on a level with systematic oppression, violence and devaluation of FLINTA*. Addressing this violation is important, but too often takes up too much space exactly where it is actually about the oppression of FLINTA* in patriarchy.
Lastly, I have a strong need for loved ones to be well. And the more FLINTA* tell me their stories and about their pain, the more I want to do something about it. Compassion, anger and sadness then ground the confrontation with sexism and my own sexist behaviour.
But on the one hand, it can't be that FLINTA* "have to" share their experiences over and over again for me to notice what's going on. And on the other hand, that can mean acting feminist only for my immediate environment - for those who are important to me. This can quickly lead to reproducing other forms of oppression, e.g. if mainly the experiences of discrimination of white, heterosexual women form the basis of my feminism.
That doesn't seem like the deepest conviction I would like to have. And as much as I cling to this claim - and my self-image - I should perhaps simply admit to myself that I fail at it.
My aspiration here should not be to act out of the deepest sense of justice, which, after all, is what I eventually set for myself. Rather, I should always ask myself why I am doing it. In doing so, I recognise when my feminism is superficial, when I am reproducing masculinity, when I am diverting attention from feminist struggles, when I am ignoring other systems of oppression or when it is really only about me.
❓Questions for reflection
- For what reasons do you engage with feminism? What are the reasons for your commitment to other struggles against oppression and injustice?
- What difference does it make if you are affected by it yourself?
- Have you ever thought about why you are feminist and who you are doing it for and who is at the focus?
- Do you also realise that you fail by your own standards?
- Who benefits from your feminism?
ℹ️ Explanation of terms:
¹Cisgender/cis-gender: For cisgender people, gender identity corresponds to the sex they were assigned at birth based on the social classification of their genitalia.
²FLINTA*: Women, Lesbians, Inter people, Trans people, Non-binary people, Agender people. The * asterisk indicates the constructed nature of the categories includes people who do not place themselves in one of the above categories or who are (co-)included. It is a collective term for people who are oppressed by patriarchy and/or experience patriarchal violence.
³Requirements of masculinity : Societal images and expectations of what is masculine and how boys and men are supposed to behave or act: What they like, how they appear, what they can do, all around: what is typical for them. All those who want to be recognised as boys or men have to deal with these demands.